the whole symphony played it's heart melting melody in my brain. i carved the words I LOVED YOU on my wall with a plastic butter knife, my eyes flooded. fell to the floor, justing wanting to die quicker. watched the particles from the scarred wall snow to the ground. i laid on my back &watched the ceiling fan spin, clockwise. the lights beamed on me. my eyes leaked its salty river down my red cheek. the symphony played loudly &i thought that if anyone was there, they would have heard it. they would have heard this. something so pure, so beautiful. the ceiling fan started to spin counter clockwise. spinning, spinning completely out of control. (much like my head did when i took that herb.) reached in my pocket. it seemed a mile deep. i unfolded this beat-up, ripped picture. the picture was me, smiling. but my eyes were scratched out by a paperclip. i was, in the picture, standing next to him. his deep blue eyes looked at the camera so lovingly. i could feel his love. always. when
There is something. Something about watching all the things you love go by you. Friends, family, everything. Everything seems to collapse on you.
&that's the story of this tragedy.
Watching the window, the wind blowing through the trees. A fly buzzing by. The dirt under your fingernails washed away. Today seemed like a new day. With new beginnings. The sun sets in the finger-painted sky, with the Rembrandt clouds. Moving &contorting. It seemed like it would have been perfect.
The scene is set.
&there is no cast.
Just the main character, in the center of their stage. Looking at the bright sun with awestruck eyes. Waiting for the love scene.
Or for any scene, in that matter.
You keep forgetting your lines.
The clouds form into what looks like "The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Tulp".
Tears slither down across the cheeks, over each freckle, each pore. Everyone was gone. Including the director. The only thing left is the fly.
Running off the stage, that was set perfectly for that perfect day, the
Invisible. Everyone reading, talking, eating. Some sleep. I watch them all. Watch their movements. Anaylze their thoughts. No one seems to know I exist. The pudgy, blonde boy with the brillant, bug, blue eyes. The kids that seem rebelious. Read your heart's content away, you'll never have or gain the knowledge I have. But no one knows that about me. Why? Because, I'm invisible. The people around form lines and chew their gum as it was mint-flavored cud. No that gum won't make your wife come back to you. The little girl sitting behind me sees me. I feel her staring. But only with curiousity. I smile at her, her father cradles her away. Read. Sleep. Talk. Eat. All around. All I can think about is that touch. The touch of a person I once loved. I tilt my head wishing his lips were there to combine, to lock with mine. His face engraved in my skull. I miss him. But dare I say I love him. All around my vacant self is dull and full of words. Black and white. Watch the children lie on the seat